Dear Bladder: Sleepy Time Struggles

Dear Bladder,

As I grew exponentially more tired late last night, your ever present pestering inspired me to write a poem. I’ve never been big on poetry, but that’s how little I wanted to get up to go to the bathroom.  My bed was too comfortable, and the bathroom was way over there. The struggle is real.


Every night I go to bed,
And smash my pillow w/ my head.
My eyes are heavy, my mind is dull,
But wait, my bladder’s slightly full.

Nah, you know, it’s not that bad,
It was only just one sip I had.
I’m too far gone, my eyes shut tight,
Surely I’ll make it through the night.

The more I think, it’s getting worse,
Stop it Lauren! Stay the course!
Just fall asleep and let dreams come,
This struggle is something to run from.

Oh great, it’s bad, I have to pee,
But the bathroom is so far from me…
So here I lay, more minutes pass,
As the feeling builds in mass.

Fine, I’ll go. My urine wins,
White flag flies, marked with “fin.”
Then again, I think I’ll wait,
Cross the legs, close the gate.

You know, it’s really not that bad,
It was only just one sip I had.
I’m too far gone, my eyes shut tight,
Surely I’ll make it through the night.

Don’t think about it, soldier on,
Sleep is bound to be along.
Or maybe not, you just don’t know,
I swear it feels my bladder grows.

Goodness Lauren, just get up,
Your sleep attempt is now corrupt.
Throw blankets down, one foot two,
You just have one last job to do.

Visualize it, reach your goal,
You’ll feel much better, body and soul.
The bathroom’s really not that far,
It’s just, I feel, I move like tar.

Nah, you know, it’s not that bad,
It was only just one sip I had.
I’m too far gone, my eyes shut tight,
Surely I’ll make it through the night.


Man, that sure was inspired. I will accept all of the poetry awards now.  And for the record (I know plenty of you out there were sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to know what happened), I finally got up and went pee like a grownup.

For more bathroom antics feel free to read one of my previous posts here.

Until next time,
Lauren H.
Follow @BewareOfTrees

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